Carolina's Baptism

Carolina has been asking for a long time about getting saved but for most of that time she wasn't ready.  Two weeks ago (2-10-13) we thought she was so I asked Mrs. Lori to talk with her to make sure.  Then her daddy and I and Mrs. Lori had the pleasure of being next to her when she asked Jesus into her heart.  

Yesterday (2-24-13) Carolina was baptized.  What a blessed day for the kingdom of God.  Grady a little boy who also asked Jesus into his heart the same day Carolina did was also baptized.  

Our Pastor Brother Jon baptized Carolina ~ You can also see Anthony standing there he had a front row seat. 

Carolina's Baptism Video 

Carolina and Mrs. Lori the night she asked Jesus into her heart! 

Our family is sure going to miss Baptist Tabernacle.  We are blessed to be a part of such a wonderful loving church.  We've only been members a short time. (since last July) but God couldn't of shown His love to us more than He did through his people at that church without actually coming down and scooping us up.  These last few months there were certain things I couldn't be for anyone but no one expected what I couldn't give.  They just continued to speak love to our whole family.  

I know our move to Louisiana has served a purpose.  We are not moving back to Oklahoma the same people we were when we left almost three years ago. 

Caden sure has fun with some of his Buddies.  Caden and Joseph wrestling in the hall before services last night.

It looks at though I've never used a camera with this picture. . .my settings were way off.  I will try to get a new one before we leave but I can't be sure if I will be able to so I tried to edited it anyways.  Joseph, Sam, Ethan and Caden before services last night.

Two sweet sweet ladies.  Marcie and Mrs. Judy.  My heart LOVES them!

This one is from last week and is a phone picture but is a much better picture than my above attempt at a picture of some of our children with my "real" camera.  

Kelly, Marcie and Me . . . 

Love these ladies! 

Jonathan, Anthony and Slate playing last night before services. 

This was after services.  Caden had a great time playing with the band.  

I do not play in the band or have any whatsoever musical talent besides just the love of praise and worship and praising God!  (even if it doesn't sound pretty I know He see's my heart!) However I just know how much Anthony is going to miss playing and practicing and just hanging out with these guys especially Jonathan! Such a blessed time we've had worshiping, and growing and becoming new at Baptist Tabernacle.  As I was talking with a friend at lunch yesterday she said the words perfectly . . .they won't easily be replaced. . . I believe they won't!

(edited just to say we love every church we've ever been members of. . .God has used each in His time for his purposes. . .excited about what the future holds!)

Caden enjoying some practice

Dear Brandy

Brandy

I am sure missing you sweet sister!  My world is just not the same without you.  This last Wednesday our church skyped with the missionaries they recently sent on the field.  I wanted to sit and watch.  However at one point when something was said before it started I just knew I was going to break down so I made my way to the dark empty sanctuary, found some tissues and knelled at the alter.  I begged God to take away my remaining anger, I am tired of feeling it and pushing it down.  I wanted to feel something else almost anything else.  I am not going to lie I had a rough time the next day and a half.  It didn't happen instantly.  It took time and prayer - thankfully I have a wonderful people in my life that I know I can count on to pray when I need.  This afternoon I was feeling better.  I know someday's are going to be easier than others, I know sometimes my heart will break in a moment.  However I also know this that you are happy, pain free and you finished what God sent you here to do.  Those things remind me what life is about!  I am thankful to finally have released the anger and allowed God to do His thing in my life.

I can not express how I feel about moving back to Oklahoma it's been so bitter sweet for me.  God has blessed us here.  Baptist Tabernacle has been just the loving place we needed.  I've been given space but I've been loved.  I know I haven't been easy or at times even approachable but they loved me through it. We are all going to miss this church!  Carolina got saved there last Sunday night (but I know you already know that!) I am really not ready to say goodbye to these wonderful people but I know time is coming quickly! Also the kids school is just wonderful I'm so comfortable sending them and knowing they are safe! You know me so you know that is no small feat. The kids all have wonderful amazing teachers!  That is the bitter the sweet is obvious! Family! Friends! Oklahoma!

You'd be so happy for us to be coming home probably the happiest of all!

I can not wait to help Chris with the kids.  I know you would want that.  Being with them makes me feel closest to you.  It is hard watching time go on knowing your missing it.  I have to remind myself your not really missing it that you have the best view of all!

I miss you each and everyday and love you more than I could express!

Your Zizzy!

Our Family

I know that this is news that most people know but our family is moving back to Oklahoma.  

I took these photos January 12 at an old church in Keatchie, Louisiana 

My babies Summer of 2010 at the same church 

They have grown so much we have all changed a lot!  We are still Okie's though 100%!

Back in the spring when this moving thing came on the scene I wasn't wanting to go.  I'll just say it I do not like change and I was perfectly content here in Louisiana.  

Things are different now.  

When the moving thing first started being talked about this time I was cautious not to get my heart in there.  I have been dealing the best I can with Brandy's passing.  Sometimes not so well but God  has given me enough grace to make it though many of the days I just didn't care to keep breathing.  

During those day's I felt so alone.  So lonely that my heart felt it would stop just from loneliness.  So lonely I didn't even know it was possible to feel that way in a world surrounded by people.  So alone I would just curl up and sleep my days away.  Well I did that but I did keep up with the house and make the needed trips to the grocery store.  I think the kids being at school all day was both good and bad.  Good because I had more than enough time to reflect. . .Bad because I had more than enough time to be inside my own mind.  

Christmas was the worst it hit me that it would be the night we put up our Christmas tree here in Louisiana.  I knew if I could make it until we got to Oklahoma being with family would help. . . and it did.  It was still so very hard but somehow seeing Brandy's kids happy and Chris doing okay made it bearable.

I enjoy my time with all three of Chris and Brandy's kids but Elijah and Sarah run off with their cousins and Caleb would just chill with me!  We made brownies, snuggled, played with the furby's and just hung out.  That baby boy can make a hard day wonderful!  Such a precious little man!

When we drove to Oklahoma a few weeks ago for our house hunting trip as I was driving.  I had my first thoughts of really looking forward to something.  It was so great I hadn't felt that in months.  It was the thought of taking Caleb to the zoo.  I can't wait to help take care of him during the day.  Of course I want to spend a lot of time with all my nieces and nephews but most of the rest of them have school.  Elijah and Sarah are loving school from what I hear!!  They started just a few weeks ago.  I am so proud of them and their Dad!  They are doing great and Chris did  wonderful helping them through the last several months and preparing them.  

Brandy and I made so many wonderful trips to the zoo.  There were times that she couldn't go because of her health when Sarah was a baby and I'd pick up Elijah but mostly they all came.  When Sarah was a baby she was told she couldn't take a medicine she needed so she was in a lot of pain while she nursed.  I'm thankful that although I know the Lupus and Rheumatoid was really hard on her that she wasn't in that state most of the time. 

So the zoo I wasn't sure how'd I feel going back but Nancy and I went in November when I was in Oklahoma for thanksgiving and we had a good time.  I am so thankful for my time with Nancy also.  I do not know many people who are so comfortable and spent so much time with their sisters mother in law.  I can say I enjoy my time with Nancy, I love her, and I enjoy watching her with Elijah, Sarah and Caleb.  

We leave for Oklahoma in 3 1/2 weeks.  I know it's going to fly by. Remember I am not a girl who likes change so with trying to adjust to not having Brandy anymore then trying to process a move it was just too much for a time.  Just today I think I have started to look forward to it.  Before I was just thinking about all the friends I would be loosing here on top of loosing Brandy because lets face it we won't be back at least not much.  I am thankful for the people God has placed in my life here but I also have to acknowledge the blessing he is providing our family in our move back home.  

It's not just me, my husband and kids that need this but my siblings, my parents, my nieces and nephews and many many more.  (Also I know Anthony's family is ready for us to be back also!!) 

The thing is Anthony's company doesn't just move people to move people and they don't just move them twice within 3 years.  It costs them a lot of money.  In fact at the National sales meeting last week the president of the company told Anthony he was the most expensive salesman he has.  That tells me God had his hand in this.  The same man who said no I'm not moving you again in May said yes in December!  

A few weeks ago when I couldn't of imagined having a peace in my heart again.  I know God gave me grace but there wasn't peace in that ~ at least not after the first few days.  I had to come to a place where I was searching for Him because of my total inability to handle anything anymore.  Even though the beginning of that had me worried that it wasn't going to come . . .it did it just took time.  I'm not saying that to say that God isn't capable of giving the peace right away but for me I think He was waiting for me to let go of anger and unforgiveness that I was holding onto.  I had a really hard time forgiving God.  I know how that sounds after all HE DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES.  Also look at my life and all my sin and He forgives me daily.  I know He didn't do this to hurt me or my family He has a plan in it all.  A greater plan than what we see before our eyes.

 I wasn't even been okay with being okay.  I've learned that it is okay to be okay.  

I have my hard days and I probably will for a while.  I am learning I have many triggers.  The Pastor at church last night just mentioned September and I flashed back.  Then I couldn't wait to get out of that church.  I know it'll take time.  Brandy was in my life since I was 17 months old until last September 11.  I'm not the first person to loose not only their sister but their best friends.  I also know what Chris and those kids lost that same day. . .and my Mom and my other siblings and family and church family and friends!  

I've kinda been in a state of fog (that is the only word I can think of to describe it although I do not think it quite fits) for the last almost 5 months.  In ways it seems like forever ago in ways it seems like it couldn't of been nearly that long since I've seen my sister.  In all honesty I haven't seen her since July so even though we talked actually seeing her was longer.

I feel like I'm rambling now  . . . so that means this must end or it will go on FOREVER!  

I just felt like sharing.  I never actually thought I would share this blog again.  I thought there was a good chance I would never blog again.  I didn't plan on it when I sat down tonight.  

This blog has always been about my sweet babies.  Even when I started this tonight that was all I was going to make it about.  Obviously my heart had so much more to share.  I'll catch you up on my 3 blessings soon!  

Thank you for listening and praying.