Ten Months

Brandy

It has been over 10 months since you have left this old ugly world and joined our father in Heaven!  I think I can say the shock of loosing you has worn off however my heart still misses you every single moment of every single day!  How I wish you were hear for one more "trip" to Oklahoma, one more telephone call or I'd even take one more text at this point.  Just to say Hi and I love you and say it to you and know that you hear me.  

I've spoken to people who say that they can talk to you in heaven and they feel you hear them but I don't feel it.  When I speak it's more just to God.  How I wish I felt you could hear me! 

I am not worried about you I know your happy and enjoying the presence of God.  It's us still here on earth.  Until you passed away I always kinda had a dread for death.  Now I feel a longing to join  you and God!  I know my job here isn't done so I'll keep working on things here.  

I haven't been able to go to sleep lately.  You know me I've always been the night owl and not a morning person.  However it's just getting later and later.  Last night it was after 4AM before I could fall asleep.  I can't lay down until I am about to pass out because I will start thinking about you and that day!  The day that changed our lives forever!  

In ways it still feels like it couldn't be true!  Unfortunately I know that it is!  

I have worried about nightmares since you have passed especially after I got a few more details because I tend to have them.  Thankfully I've only had a few dreams that I remembered.  One that had you in it.  In the dream you knew that you were going to pass soon it wasn't an accident though.  You weren't in pain . . .I am not sure why but you were at peace and you talked to us.  I think maybe you were trying to tell me that you were okay with God's plans and that I needed to be too!

I know you can see it but Chris is doing amazing with the kids!  I am so thankful I am here and get to see them so much!  It is going to be hard when school starts and I do not have Caleb . . .I know I'll see Sarah and Elijah at the school even though they are not in my class.  Caleb though with be with Nancy everyday.  She is lucky to get to love on him so much!

I miss you so much at times my heart feels like it will stop from the pain!