I want to write this awesome post about how amazing my sister was and how we miss her so very much. However I feel the words escape me as I sit down to write. I thought about just not posting anything. I can't though I feel the need to mark this day.
In the last month there have been many times that I have felt the urge to call Brandy or send her a quick text. Only to realize that that is not possible. The odd thing about that is that she is never far from my thoughts even as I try to work on things like dinner or helping the kids with homework. How can I be so shocked when I realize the text or phone call would go unanswered?
We are making a trip to Oklahoma in a few weeks. As it is getting closer I find myself very anxious about this. I almost do not want to go so that I can escape what I know I will experience. Here in Louisiana I am heartbroken, sad and lonely but I think that those feelings are somewhat muted compared to the upcoming trips to Oklahoma. Anniversaries, Birthday's Thanksgiving, Christmas exc. I do not know how exactly I will feel while in Oklahoma however I do know that the cold hard truth is waiting for me there. That my sister will not be at Mom's waiting with Mom and her children for us to get there. To just be excited once again be together, to spend the week just being together. She will not be meeting me each day I am there with her kids even while I make my visits to other family members or go to the zoo, park, science museum or even just the grocery store. Those facts make the former excitement of going to Oklahoma non existent.
I fear that our children will loose their close relationships because she is not here. I know this could never happen on purpose but just the fact that they won't be together as much makes it very likely to become our fate. That breaks my heart.
I knew they were going to go to Brazil in June but I also THOUGHT I knew that I could be still be able to talk to, text and see her again. . .even if it was a few years for the actual hug.
This week has been the week that I forced myself to begin to leave my house.
Monday was Caden's very first playmate with his very own classmates.
Jackson and Adam with Caden. Jackson's little brother Carter is also in the picture.
Tuesday Caylea had a field trip to the Red River Revel. On Monday I talked Caylea into just staying home with me so I wouldn't have to go. However when I text Mrs. Miller she needed me to go. At the time I wasn't happy about it. I realized though after going and speaking with Mrs. Miller it was what I needed to do and she knew that. It was not the normal fun field trip like the kids usually have. The first part was really hard for me however once we got moving it wasn't so bad.
Yesterday was Carolina's field trip to Papa Simpson's Farm.
Carolina wanted to chose the smallest pumpkin in the patch.
I love that Carolina seems to chose the sweetest little friends!
Carolina and her friend Abby.
Carolina and Aubrey.
Miss. Eligin's 1st Grade class.
That is all I have for now. Tomorrow is Elijah's 7th Birthday.
Please keep praying for our family. I know you all will.
3 comments:
Your post is all too familiar. In 5 days my Dad will be gone for 3 months. Still so unbelieveable to me. My family still finds ourselves wanting to call Dad or expecting him to walk in the door. I wish I knew when it went away and started getting better but I don't...yet. We've got the hardest part ahead of us. Holidays. How I dread them. I don't know how we'll get through our losses, Chan, but I know that we will. I will keep praying for ya'll.
Thank you Leah and we are praying for you also especially as we head through the holidays. Also for your precious new baby boy.
Praying for you, Chan! I completely understand what your going through. I have the same struggle with wanting to pick up the phone to call my mom. I finally learned that when I feel like I need to talk to her, I just have to pray to God. I love you guys and prayers continue for your whole family.
Post a Comment