I Can't Even Describe

I can't even describe how much seeing pictures of my sisters kids means to me right now.

 I can be having a down day and get an email or text from my Brother in law Chris with a picture of the kids or Nancy his Mom will put pictures on Facebook.  Just seeing those faces means so much to my heart.  The last several days they just happen to come right when I need them. I am so thankful!

I am thankful to see their smiles and know that they are okay. That God is taking care of them and Chris. To know that they can indeed still be happy. If they can be happy certainly I can find it within myself to figure out how to allow God to bring me to that place also.

We will always miss Brandy and I am certain we will all have our days, or moments but I am thankful to find myself in this place. This place where I can have a good day, even if its not the whole day - I will take it.

Last week at this time. I didn't even want a good day. I was even having a hard time imagining that I would ever want to be happy again.

This week I find myself in a new place.

The hardest part of all of this is of course my sister being gone and knowing her kids and husband are having to find a way without her. The hardest thing besides those things for me is being here. I think when a family goes through something like this we were designed to want to be with each other. To help each other through. With me here and them there I have never felt more alone and helpless. All I wanted to do was help Chris and be there for the kids. I couldn't be. I tried to tell myself that they were being helped by loving people but it was if little consolation.

I have had this war inside my heart since soon after that awful day. A war against what I know to be true and what I have felt to my core. I am thankful that my feelings are coming around not 100% of the time but I will take what I can get right now.

I am thankful to have been in church pretty much my whole life. I know who God is, I know what He is about! I am thankful that even though my heart hurts I am now able to find peace and rest in my Father in heaven.

I know I'll always miss my sister at least until the day I see her again! I think it may always hurt my heart to hear about missionaries and to see their excitement .

I will remember though that God has a plan!

Look at these sweet faces all ready for old fashioned Sunday at Edmond Road Baptist Church! How can you not smile in your heart seeing them!